Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My penis needs a shock collar
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
