I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
