just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
