the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
