Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
