When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
