New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
