she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
