i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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