Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am available for nakedness
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
