you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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