stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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