shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
