I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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