Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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