2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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