Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
