My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize