im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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