Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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