My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
