i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
