Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize