I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
