I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
