i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
