I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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