Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Please, let me fuck your mom
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
