now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize