All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
