worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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