My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
