He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
