just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
