I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
