I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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