my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
