i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
