I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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