at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
