Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
