I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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