I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
