she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
