"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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