I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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