so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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