She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
