We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
why is half of my head shaved?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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