he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
