So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
