I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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