i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
