I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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