How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
