Pappa wants mamma naked
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
