craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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