Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
