I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
