he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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