I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
