Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
