i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
