Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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