i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
how drunk are you?
Several
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
