he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
