im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
