Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
