Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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