if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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