Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
