I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
