my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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