My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
