Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
