you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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