Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
