I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
