So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize