I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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