i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
